At the base of many problems in businesses and relationships is an issue of poor communication. It seems that no matter how we try to clearly communicate we often find the other person didn't understand us or we didn't understand them.
To make this worse we often make mistakes that actually block understanding. If we can understand and avoid these communication blockers we can go a long way towards clarity and peace in our relationships. Here are some blockers that are commonly used.
BEING TOO BUSY to actually hear what is on the heart and mind of the other person.
CHANGING THE SUBJECT to one you are more comfortable with.
FOCUSING on your assumption that the other person is attacking you and DEFENSIVELY REACTING to anything that is said without considering what was really meant.
PEACE AT ANY PRICE. "Why bother, they will never change anyway."
Only focusing on the EMOTIONS instead of the real FACTS of the issue you are trying to resolve.
NO EYE CONTACT AND REFUSING TO TALK. The silent treatment is very cruel. It makes the other person a non-person and blocks all opportunity for resolution. You may believe you are avoiding conflict but you are actually acting out a cruel revenge on the other person.
USING ULTRA HUMILITY. Saying things like, "Well, I guess I'm always wrong." or "My ideas are just worthless." That sounds humble but it actually is an attempt to make the other person feel guilty.
SPEAKING FOR THE OTHER PERSON. It is so frustrating to be constantly interrupted by someone who thinks they can say it better. It is better to be quiet and really hear what the other person is saying even if they are fumbling in their attempt to say it. You can always repeat back to them what you think they said when they are done. This leaves the door open for better clarification.
There are other blockers that we use but these are a good start. Ask yourself if you do any of these and try to train yourself to respond in a better and less self-centered way. You will find that the stress of conflicts will decrease as you do this. And weren't you really looking for peace in your relational atmosphere?
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